So my ex-best friend announced she had another baby today.
I found out over Facebook. It is her second child. I would love to say I'm happy for her. But I can't bring myself to do so. It sounds terrible, I know, but it reminds me of us. Of how close we were. And that hurts.
We met in high school, in choir at 17 years old. She was kindness in a time where everyone was judgmental and cruel. I only recently found out that her mother showed up at my house while I was at work to "check out" her daughter's newest friend. She knocked on the door and interrogated my mother to make sure she (and I) was "good enough" for her daughter to associate with. But other than that, we were close. We saw each other through many bad ex-boyfriends, we took care of each other at countless parties and events. She mattered to me. She mattered a lot.
She had two best friends - the bitch and the slut. In fairness, I was happy to be the bitch. I much preferred that term. Time went on, and we stayed close, even through college. I started seeing "the One" for me, and she needed up dating my man's best friend. He was a shmuck - there's no other word for it, and my guy ended up dumping his best friend - over her. It was worth it... but seriously, he knew I cared about her, which is why it happened. I don't think it would have happened that way over someone random.
Time went on, she was still there for me for many important events, and I would have been there for her, but honestly, she never asked. She asked her other best friend to be there for her. Never me. But I would have been there.
Eventually I married my husband, and I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. I was friends with other people too, and I honestly didn't think she'd WANT to be my maid of honour but apparently she did and it was something that apparently bothered her quite a bit. But it took her years to say anything to me.
She also found her "one" and came to me over him multiple times. I supported her no matter what, and though I didn't think he was good enough for her, when she came to me and told me that they were getting married, I was happy for her. I too, was a bridesmaid at her wedding. I was six months post-partum at the time, after having my first child. It was NOT easy for me, even to be in her wedding, since I was breast-feeding my daughter, and needed to have her with, and then not, and so I felt kind of like an afterthought. I was also criticized that day because of things I couldn't do or couldn't afford. She expected that her bridesmaids all should be wearing pearl earrings and necklaces, but I didn't have those, nor could I afford them at the time, so I got yelled at for wearing a different necklace that I already owned that matched the dress colour. But I let it go, because she was my friend, and I chalked it up to "bridezilla"-ness and figured it wouldn't matter. Apparently it did. Apparently me being unable to attend the bachelorette party due to my new baby mattered too. Not that she said anything to me.
More time went on, and eventually, she got pregnant too. We lived a 45 min drive from each other, and I couldn't attend her baby shower for her son. Money was tight and I had two children to take care of. Our lives had changed, and things were different for me and her. She got angry that I didn't come see her, and I felt like she didn't have time for me ever.
Eventually, we drifted apart. But the actual physical rift, happened about 2 1/2 years ago, although for me it, started 4 years ago. We were supposed to have a New Years party at our house, and I invited her and her husband. She told me she was staying in, not going out that year and I let it go. Everyone my husband and invited bailed, even up to the night of the party, except for the one person. When he showed up, he suggested another party he had been invited to as well, and made sure it was okay that we go too. Well, we went, and she and her husband were there.... I was hurt, but also kind of glad, to be able to spend time with her. She seemed angry that I was there. It hurt. So much.
From that point on, she just stopped showing up. I would invite, she wouldn't come. She claimed it was because of her son, and I was fine with that, I mean, I had two kids too. But everything was an excuse, and Facebook would so kindly show me all the things she did with other friends. It would show me all these parties she and her husband attended, it would show me all the people she was spending time with. It hurt, more and more. Finally, it had been 6 months from her refusing to come to my birthday and sending me flowers as a substitute.... I didn't want flowers. I wanted my friend.
I called her, to see how she was, and she called me back, while she was in her car. She was whispering, and said how she had only 10 minutes to talk before she got home because she didn't want her husband to find out. That was my breaking-point. I couldn't do it any more. I am fine with a lot of things, but being a secret hurt. I snapped on her. And that was when she informed me that her husband didn't like mine. That he felt my husband was lazy.
I'd had enough. Her husband was out of work, and she was suppporting both of them, and my husband was working 18 hours a day supporting our family. How dare they judge him. So that was the day our friendship ended. Since that day, she left me one voicemail, but we never spoke again. And now it's been 2 1/2 years of not speaking... and she announced she had a second child today. A child I didn't even know she was pregnant with. I want to congratulate her. I want to be happy for them. But I loved her (in the friend way, obviously) and it breaks my heart that I was excluded from all of it. I know I didn't do everything right. But...
I miss my friend.
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